An interaction I had earlier this week: I was going out for coffee with a slightly larger group of friends than normal. (All people I enjoy interacting with in other circumstances, e.g. I quite enjoy playing board games with all of them, or talking with any of them one on one or even in slightly larger groups than that.) This time, the conversation ended up going in a direction that left me feeling alienated in the same way the company holiday party did: yes, there are reasons why we are friends, but still, we have pretty different approaches to our lives. (Some of them more than others; incidentally, earlier, I mentioned being at different stages of our lives, but while true, I don't currently think that's very relevant.) And, rather than deciding that this was an interesting difference (or coming up with a way to steer conversation in directions I would have enjoyed more), my brain simply decided that it would rather be elsewhere. Which was hard to do gracefully in that specific situation.

No big deal, certainly: an hour of unexpected boredom is, in general, enough to cause me to shrug my shoulders. What to do about that information in the future is less clear, though: I suspect that this particular mix of people in this particular context doesn't work well for me, but I will be a bit lonely if I stay away from related interactions. (Slightly different mixes of people in the same context, the same mix of people in different contexts.) But if I'm in the same situation again, it's not obvious to me how to redirect it to an interaction I would enjoy instead of one that leaves me feeling alienated: I can't very well say "I'd really not rather do this with all of you" or "I like spending time with all of you but only if we're playing games instead of just talking" without acting like an asshole.

I can try to gracefully withdraw from such situations a little earlier, but sidestepping isn't my favorite reaction to such situations; hoping that it won't happen again is also not a great solution. I'll probably do a mix of those approaches anyways, but hopefully tempered with enough observation to find a better path forward? And there are times when it would be convenient if my brain were better at enjoying common social interactions...