It is a not particularly comfortable situation to think: if somebody else were describing their mental state to me, and if it were like mine over the course of the last several months, then I know what advice I'd give them. So why am I not doing that myself?

But maybe it's not that simple: that would probably be my first reaction when talking to a friend, but after talking more, I'd probably find that the story is more complicated. I do generally like my coworkers, quite a lot in some cases; the work is frequently quite interesting technically; and I think there's a good chance that the company will do well financially.

Still: the engineering culture is anti-team, anti-process, and pro-heroics; and while responding to change is good, unreflective veering is not. Or at least not for me; one of the unexpected things about this job is that it's doing a surprisingly effective job of uncovering some of my core values.